The Toxic Family & Me

Embarking upon my Authentic Journey (at Last)

The Old Story

I am an aged Projector, one of the pioneers who arrived early on Earth. It's often spoken that many Projectors, including myself, underwent a childhood marked by relational trauma. Similar to Harry in the realm of muggles, ensnared by those who cannot perceive our true essence we grapple with forces attempting to dim our light. Being a line 5, all the shame and blame were inadvertently cast upon me, burdening my mystical spirit. Surviving a series of near-death experiences before the age of 3 left me numb for most of my life, I found myself adrift, unnoticed or repelled by those around me, until later. It was a viscous, sticky residue of familial generational trauma, a dense goo that may resonate with your own experiences. We, as Projectors, often find ourselves deemed 'wrong,' in the way, and not everyone's favorite child.

Unfortunately, the world may have continued in this way for you, as it did for me. Not realizing that I ended up programmed again and again. I lived a life of trying. I was trying to be a manifestor, pressured to be a success, was a success at times, but not liked. People seems attracted and repelled. I was always out of balance, trying to hard until I was a bitter broken mess again and again. At 60, I can not work in the manifestor world at all, but we are now not limited to these types of experiences. As I understand that yes, I am the artist mystic I thought I was, and that is who I will be.

In my own narrative, I traversed a life where visibility eluded me like a phantom or, conversely, thrust me into the spotlight as an artist and spiritual guide with a peculiar and addicted following. Both experiences carried the weight of discomfort, for, in either role, I remained unseen yet felt. Whether obscured like a ghost or exposed as an artist, the truth within me drew people in, even as I grappled with blame and shame for my attempts at survival. Let it be clear, in the depths of my bitterness, I, too, exhibited moments of defiance.

Stepping into the Authentic Projection

For six decades, an inaccurate version of myself, often with my unwitting participation, was projected onto the canvas of my existence. "Love Me and Hate Me" could aptly describe the narrative that unfolded—a story that proved detrimental to all parties involved. Immersed in bitterness and the shadows of my fifth line, my relationships with family and friends became a tumult of experiences tainted by our collective unresolved issues, all projected onto me. The confusion ran deep, transforming me into a darker rendition of my true self, unable to embrace my authentic energy. Shunned, outcast, and blamed, I found solace only in leaving the confines of this false reality, in stepping away to reclaim my genuine essence.

Every attempt to be understood had been exhausted, and I could no longer bear the weight of being the perennial black sheep. Remaining with a family that refused to see me perpetuated a toxic version of myself. The decision to depart was a pivotal one, a declaration that the existing dynamics were unsustainable.

In the ascension process, whether Projectors or not, we may find it imperative to shed old roles, untruths, labels, and expectations. Like me, you might have to turn away from a family on a divergent path, embracing the challenge of embodying your truth, which could differ from the perceptions of those who have shared your journey.

This is my truth resonating within the realm of Projectors. I extend an invitation for you to join me. Blu

#Experiences #ProjectorReflections